I am overcome with, I don't know with what!? Words, words won't come to me. I am overwhelmed with incredible feelings of gratitude, with a feeling of healing warmth, and with the feeling that I have been blessed beyond my comprehension and perhaps beyond my worthiness.
I am not sure why I started this blog. I liked playing around with the templates and all at first. I loved being able to read all of the blogs I found while poking around. I could relate so closely with so much of what was written. I decided to try writing a page myself... and along came Rose...who introduced me to Lynn-Marie and Miss Dogkisses. And, I found Jolene, Tamiko, and Naddya. What a huge, huge blessing you have all been to me. I honestly can't begin to thank you enough for all of your kind, uplifting words to me personally and for your sharing of yourselves with all of us who have been fortunate enough to have found your pages.
This is an incredible collection of women who are willing to share their lives, their experiences both positive and negative, their very souls, to others struggling with fibromyalgia and chronic fatigue, and many, many other forms of chronic illness. I have gained great insight from these writings and have developed great friendships with these ladies.
I am in awe to be included in a listing of blogs by Jolene, aka gracefulagony. Please visit her blog at gracefulagony.wordpress.com. She lists fifteen blogs that she recommends be checked out. I would list them on my blog, but I haven't figured out how to embed a website on my blog yet(!!). Such a newbie! Anyway, I have read several and they are all so different and informative and worth a read!
So, in case you haven't guessed it by now, YOU are the best medicine! All of you wonderful, kind, and supportive friends who cheer me on and commiserate with me. I could not make it thru some days without you. I wish I was as disciplined as many of you are about writing your blog each day. I know it would help me on days I am really down if I would get on my computer and at least read for awhile. I am always moved and often get a chuckle from someone's blog. Thank you fellow bloggers for all that you do to help so many. I am happy to think I have helped someone, too.
Hugs,
me,
CJ
Showing posts with label flare. Show all posts
Showing posts with label flare. Show all posts
Monday, June 21, 2010
Friday, April 16, 2010
fire storm or solar flare?
I am in a very, very long, intense flare, or as my sister (who has this nasty thing, too), says "firestorm" (much more accurate, don't you think? Or maybe even "solar flare").
I have been in so much pain for months. There have been no okay days. There have been no not too bad days. There have only been DAMN IT, I HURT days -- for months. I know it is stress. Way too much crap happening all at once. And, its been that way for way too long, too. One frickin' thing after another. Why does it go like this? Why is all of this happening to my family (I include my extended family, we make any soap opera look like Sesame Street)? Other families manage to have dry spells of misery-less-ness (I often make up words - the right ones won't come to me). Why the heck can't we just have one nice week of blissful rut-ness? You know--"I'm in a rut," people lament. They have no idea how lucky they are!
Along with the unending pain is an exhaustion I have never known before. It feels as though I have walked 500 miles. I feel so weak, I can barely raise an arm or a leg. It is all I can do to get from one side of the room to the other. And then I can hardly catch my breath. I know I am out of shape--okay there is absolutely NO shape, just a big, big blob of shuddering humanity -- but even at my worst before, I could breath. I am now developing a fear of suffocating, because sometimes I feel as though I am.
I genuinely feel sometimes like I am suffocating. But, there is also the feeling of suffocating under the weight of this chronic illness. I can't seem to make any positive moves toward accepting my life. Or, even figuring out how to live this life.
Michael J. Fox has been haunting me lately. That man is a marvel. I have been seeing him or hearing about him often the last few weeks. He was on "Rachael Ray". He is on the cover of Reader's Digest, "What My Illness Taught Me". Where does he find the strength, the positive outlook, the ability to keep going? He shames me. I am a sniveling coward and wimp. I haven't even gotten up the guts to read the article yet. He just smiles out at me from the cover. And I feel ashamed of myself. I should be able to do this. Other people do. Others go on with their jobs. They go on with their commitments. They go on with their life. Look at Michael. Smiling.
I have been in so much pain for months. There have been no okay days. There have been no not too bad days. There have only been DAMN IT, I HURT days -- for months. I know it is stress. Way too much crap happening all at once. And, its been that way for way too long, too. One frickin' thing after another. Why does it go like this? Why is all of this happening to my family (I include my extended family, we make any soap opera look like Sesame Street)? Other families manage to have dry spells of misery-less-ness (I often make up words - the right ones won't come to me). Why the heck can't we just have one nice week of blissful rut-ness? You know--"I'm in a rut," people lament. They have no idea how lucky they are!
Along with the unending pain is an exhaustion I have never known before. It feels as though I have walked 500 miles. I feel so weak, I can barely raise an arm or a leg. It is all I can do to get from one side of the room to the other. And then I can hardly catch my breath. I know I am out of shape--okay there is absolutely NO shape, just a big, big blob of shuddering humanity -- but even at my worst before, I could breath. I am now developing a fear of suffocating, because sometimes I feel as though I am.
I genuinely feel sometimes like I am suffocating. But, there is also the feeling of suffocating under the weight of this chronic illness. I can't seem to make any positive moves toward accepting my life. Or, even figuring out how to live this life.
Michael J. Fox has been haunting me lately. That man is a marvel. I have been seeing him or hearing about him often the last few weeks. He was on "Rachael Ray". He is on the cover of Reader's Digest, "What My Illness Taught Me". Where does he find the strength, the positive outlook, the ability to keep going? He shames me. I am a sniveling coward and wimp. I haven't even gotten up the guts to read the article yet. He just smiles out at me from the cover. And I feel ashamed of myself. I should be able to do this. Other people do. Others go on with their jobs. They go on with their commitments. They go on with their life. Look at Michael. Smiling.
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