Monday, February 14, 2011

my outlook...

Yes, this really is my blog. I have been gone, suffering thru many, many new tests and many, many new diagnoses. The change in my blog reflects my "being" presently. Out of sorts, maybe, and all over the place.

A little dark and cloudy. But, with remembrances of my beloved desert home, which I shall be leaving by the years end. A sky filled with lightning, with upheaval, with some foreboding of what may come.

I hurt constantly now. I am so tired, so very, very tired. Life has gotten to be almost more than I can bear at times. But, I reach for my happy face to put on when its needed and just curl up and hide otherwise. My emotions are all over the place. I might look and sound perfectly fine one moment and in tears the next.

But you all know this place. It is a world that we all reside in at times. It just seems to be taking over more and more of late...


  1. I so understand. I am also so glad to see you writing once again. We are neighbors in that dark place. It's just SO dark that we don't see each other. Every day is very difficult no matter how I write. I'm right there with you CJ and again, so very glad to see you writing again!!!

  2. I like the blog template, by the way!

  3. CJ, I've missed you! I'm sorry I didn't see this sooner. Also I love your blog background, but I'm not sure why the green font is really hard to read on my computer. :( Bummer. Anyway, just wanted you to know I'm thinking of you. I'm so sorry it's been so hard for you lately. :( :( I've had some pretty hard days too. Please hang in there, we understand!!! {gentle hugs}

  4. Hi CJ,
    Just woke up in pain, cried for a while, then came visiting. I hope as I write you are resting, or sleeping, the latter of which I wish I could do for about one week straight. Sigh...

    Life is hard when you live with so much pain every single day! I don't understand why. Why the good people you know? Why not only the bad ones. It does not make any sense at all.

    I'm mad at being sick right now. I'm not accepting it very well. I'm darn tired of it.

    I wish too that the healthy folks in my life would have more compassion. I don't know about you, but the people in my life, well, I guess I feel pretty much left behind. If it wasn't for the nice people who comment on my blog, and who have blogs where they write their truths, I don't know what I would do.

    Thanks for the post, and always, for saying it like it is.

    Blessings and Peace to you my friend! xoxo (((gentle-hugs)))

  5. Thanks, Rose. We will see how the writing comes along since it has already been another month, again...

    Thank you, too, Rochelle. I am sorry the green is hard for you to read--perhaps I should just stick with white. I will experiment. Thank you for your continued support. You are most appreciated.


  6. Dear Miss Dogkisses,
    I don't know why, but my response to your post, that I wrote March 20th, did not go through. I just now caught that.

    Boy, it was a good one, too! Ha. Truly, I don't remember much of it and it makes me mad because it is quite difficult to type now. I am a two fingered typist as it is, but I am now suffering from adhesive capsulitis in both shoulders and it hurts to do much of anything, typing being one of the worst.

    Suffice it to say, THANK YOU, for looking for me the other night. I am sorry I was not there and that it has taken so long to write back.

    I am so FREAKIN' TIRED of this entire "SICK" thing too, and I could seriously consider offing myself many a night or day--night being the worst. I have a post--whenever I can finish it--addressing just that.

    Life is not fair and I am being a selfish baby about it. Lord, I KNOW I could be much worse. Those poor people in Japan, in Libya, in south Tucson...

    It is so hard to hurt so fiercely, so constantly, so unendingly and then feel guilty for even thinking about complaining.

    Many hugs to you. You are one of a very few who help me keep going.

  7. "My emotions are all over the place. I might look and sound perfectly fine one moment and in tears the next."
    I definitely know that feeling; the way emotions swirl around; how sadness and pain colo(u)rs everthing we do.
    I wish you some hope and some lightness to brighten up the dark space you are in.

  8. CJ, hello. I hope you get this. I do so wish we could hear from you. I pray that you are surviving, hope that you are getting good medical care and being loved.

    Please know you are not forgotten!!!

    Love, your friend,
    dogkisses xoxoxo

  9. I miss you CJ! I hope you are doing well and feeling well. You are in my thoughts and prayers.