I have experienced, as we all have, the many health "care" people who acknowledge Fibro as though they have a very bad taste in their mouth. Some simply spit it out, as there is no such thing. Some wince at the taste, okay there is some research and some fellow health "care" professionals believe there is something to this syndrome, but it still tastes bitter and makes them gag. Others do the tongue click thing--yeah, yeah you have it, but there is nothing I can do about it. Shuffle, shuffle, scoot, scoot -- me, out the door.
And now I am feeling a pull within the Fibro community. Am I taking an “easy” way out? (Like there is anything “easy” about Fibro!)
I have been feeling a struggle of whether to continue with my choice to use a traditional medicine approach to treat these symptoms of Fibro versus the notion and proposal by some of using a natural means thru yoga, meditation, acupuncture, vitamin and other supplements, getting off all narcotics, and something called “an adrenal fatigue supplement”. I have two people who are telling me they swear by the latter. However, as you probably know, health insurance does not cover any of these non-traditional means. I had a fabulous doctor, a physiatrist, two or so years back that helped me in many ways. However, it came to the point where he said that the only thing else he could do for me was thru non-traditional medicine. And, it was not inexpensive. As a matter of fact it was expensive. My husbands company was shaky at that time and we had two kids in college. You know what I chose.
Well, the financial situation is still not the best, with paying a mortgage on our home and the rent on an apartment for him, plus one kid still in college and me unable to work. So, what to do? Thankfully I have a PC who really is wonderful and supportive. At this time I can NOT imagine managing without the pain medications I take. Period. No question. I have been miserable the last two weeks with them, the thought of giving them up is scary and unbearable to imagine.
Does this make me an addict? Does this make me someone who is “wallowing” in their misery, in their disease? Does this make me lazy? Does this make me a wallowing, lazy, addict?
Today I don’t know. My neck and shoulders hurt so bad I can hardly stand it. The pain in my head feels like hot embers being seared in. I haven’t been writing on my blog because of the pain. And, I miss “venting” and having responses that say “I know what you mean.” “I am sorry you hurt.”
Right now I wish I could take something else for this pain. But, there is nothing left. I will go sit with the ice packs followed by the heating pad (in 95 degree weather!) and pray for some relief.
Does this make me an addict?
I truly don’t know. The emotional pain is unbearable. The physical pain is unbearable. I am watching the clock to see when I can take more drugs. Kinda sounds like an addict to me. Only I guess they wouldn’t watch the clock---they’d just take more…now.
Is that what separates me from the addicts?
What a s---- way to live.
Later,
me
CJ
I am so sorry that I've been in my own little world, CJ. I've been feeling very sorry for myself and this sucky situation I'm in. No, you are not an addict. Are we dependent on this medication, yes. Very different things. I cannot imagine not taking these pain meds and muscle relaxers. I would be hiding in a corner screaming in pain. As it is when my muscles start spasming (?) I wish someone would take a baseball bat to them. The bad part about pain is that it makes you reflect on all the emotional crap that we've never dealt with before and THAT SUCKS BIG TIME. I've got so much baggage that I don't know where to start unpacking.
ReplyDeleteWe are in a very icky position because we're looked at as kooks. Either that or the help we need is so expensive that we can't manage it. What to do? I don't have insurance right now so what do I do? I suck it up and pay for pain management and keep the pain meds flowing every month because I can't do without those. If that's an addict I must be one.