Do-overs

It is amazing to me how much all of us FM/CF sufferers have in common. We share so many of the same thoughts and feelings, coping mechanisms and non-coping mechanisms, ups and downs, ins and outs. So many of us are the Type quadruple A personality. We used to "do" and now we can't, and it makes it all so much harder. My family used to tell me I was burning the candle at both ends and in the middle, too. I was going to burn myself out...Do you suppose that is what I did? Burned myself out and now the jokes on me? OMG what a horrible thought! Can I have do-overs?

Many times over the last five years, egad! going on six years, since I was "labeled" as having Fibro I have wished to the heavens I could go back and take better care of myself , make better choices, evaluate and make better decisions. YOUNG PEOPLE OUT THERE--WARNING!!! YOU REALLY DO TAKE BETTER CARE OF YOUR FAMILY IF YOU TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF FIRST!!!

Another old joke: If I can't be a good example then I can , at least, serve as a horrible warning.

I am not, for one instant, implying that I think I brought Fibro on to myself. No, what I am beating myself up with is the fact that because I was in lousy shape before I got Fibro that I have made it triply hard to manage it now. I never dealt with stress so, as a result, I have several other physical conditions that are associated with stress and with not taking care of my health in general, like not regularly exercising, not eating healthy, and not dealing with stress!

Now those health problems are in a vicious cycle with themselves. The medicines cause side effects that aggravate this, which also makes that worse, and this issue makes it nearly impossible to exercise which affects my eating habits because I am depressed, which makes me eat too many carbs, which makes me gain weight, which aggravates those two problems which scares me and initiates the anxiety and drops me deeper into the hole of depression which affects my sleep that is also affected by the fibro and makes me sooo tired and the chronic fatigue and increased pain cause that last domino to tip and.....

You have self-imploding CJ.

Stop the world, I want to get off.

Later,

me

CJ

p.s. I have been alone a lot lately and have been quite introspective. Please don't think I am sitting back letting things happen to me. I have been observing and scrutinizing my life of late. I am still working on this "thing" and trying to determine the best way for me to attack it.

I have had a lot of input from family and friends and fellow Fibro patients. A lot. I appreciate the information, I really do. But simply because it worked for so and so does not mean it will work for me. I want to continue receiving the input, but please, all of you out there that mean well, give us information, support us, but please don't judge us.

This is a complex, confounding array of symptoms. It is debilitating and, as of today, incurable. It’s not possible that you used to have it, but now after your treatment you are cured. I am elated for you that you are no longer in pain from whatever it was you had. But, don't judge me because I don't jump on the band wagon of your "cure". I have tried so many, many things over these five plus years. I may have tried your solution, I may have not. And, I may have not because it is too expensive. It might not have coordinated with the myriad of other "conditions" I have. You really don't know and I don't want to list everything I have tried and you sure the heck do not want to hear about all the things I have tried. So, please continue to offer me information and most importantly offer me your support. But, please don't judge me. I am doing the best that I can.