Ten of the Many Causes of My Depression…
Not necessarily in any particular order:
1. Unrelenting,"Un"-curable, Searing, Aching, Burning pain, Each and Every Day, Day in and Day out…
2. Unyielding, Relentless, Exhausting, Fatigue Day in and Day out Each and Every Day…
3. Uninformed, Un-supportive, Presumptuous, Judgmental, Impudent Medical Professionals...
4. Judgmental, Un-supportive, Deserting, Vanishing Friends…
5. Blood test upon blood test upon blood test, MRI's, x-rays, CAT scans, Nerve Conduction Study (NCS), electromyograms (EMG), Nerve Conduction Velocity tests (NCV), etc., etc., etc... All Tests Normal
6. Insomnia, Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS), Tossing and turning, Edginess, Un-restorative sleep, Up and Down All Night Long, Walking in my Sleep, Eating in my Sleep, Waking when I Fall...
7. Anxiety, Apprehension Uneasiness, Distraught, Tearful, Jumpy, Sensitive to noise, smell, touch, Ready to Jump Out of my Skin...
8. Loneliness, Despondency, Sense of Loss, Detachment, Self-made Seclusion and Isolation...
9. Failure, Useless, Hopeless, Inadequate, Ineffective, Afraid, Afraid of the Future...
10. Unfocused, Forgetful, Muddled, Disarrayed, Disorganized...
Depression rears its ugly head from time to time, most often without any warning. It is a constant battle. Unfortunately an unending one, much like Fibro and CFS.
Graceful Agony is having a Blog Carnival entitled "Who Turned Out the Lights?" examining the topic of Depression. It is very touching and thought provoking and most certainly worth your time.
me,
CJ, in time
You hit the nail on the head CJ. It's so true.....vanishing friends, isolation......it seems that I have it all except the eating and walking in my sleep. I'm pretty comfortable in the isolation. It seems safe. It just gets so fricking tiring..........
ReplyDeletexoxo my friend..........
Rose
I wish I could reach out somehow and just sit and talk. I am having a really tough time right now and it would be great to just share.
ReplyDeleteI understand, Maryn. I often feel it would be helpful to talk, but when I attempt to do so, and I only do so with my sister who also has Fibro, I just end up sobbing.
ReplyDeleteToday I am crushed with excruciating grief. This sister has found out that the killer pain in her feet is due to severe arthritis. They have ordered her a handicapped placard and a wheelchair! She must stay off of her feet as much as she can--pretty much forever! The surgery to attempt a fix at her feet is more than extensive and may or may not do anything. In the mean time she has to have her (very painful) back surgery redone (less than 3-4 months after the original) because something has "slipped". She also must have carpal tunnel surgery done to stop the unending pain in her right hand--the FOURTH such surgery! I do NOT understand why this has happened to her! I am more than ANGRY!
Over the last 30 years she has been the one to take care of everyone back home. She has provided hospice care for more relatives than I can think of, has done everyone's housework, yard work, grocery shopping,computer repair. She is the taxi service to the doctors appointments, the one to advocate for everyone! WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO HER???????
I truly don't know if I can handle the injustice and pain of this world much longer. Again I ask, what is the point?
CJ
Oh, sadly how we can all relate to this list.
ReplyDeleteThank you for this post. I think it is imperative that we address the mental effects of chronic illness on the patient. But, unfortunately, doctors are so willling to address some illnesses, but fibro is not high on the list. It seems to be the "Grin and Bare It" disease from what I have experienced so far.
ReplyDelete