Hello. I am CJ, let me introduce myself. I am an almost 56 year old menopausal (Does it ever end? Is anyone ever post menopausal?) married 27 years (holy smoke!!) homemaker with two children, 25 and 22 years old. I still call myself a homemaker though I haven't really fulfilled this role for four or more years. I call myself a homemaker on those forms that ask "Occupation"? I do this because I can't think of any occupation title that describes what it is I do. This would be because I am not sure exactly what it is I do... anymore.
I hear the phrases, "I am not my disease" "My disease does not define me". This puzzles me. I am thrilled for those that can say this, those that can think of themselves and not think of their disease. I am in awe of their mindset. I have not gotten there yet. I have not even driven by it, much less walked. I am in the coliseum...at the very top...in the nose bleed seats...behind a column.
I am CJ and I have chronic illnesses. These illnesses, Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue to name a couple, shape every portion of my life. I cannot think of me and not think of them. They have taken away so much of me. It truly is like a puzzle. I am the puzzle, a puzzle of many colors, of many small, sometimes oddly shaped, pieces. Fibro and CFS have smashed into the puzzle and have lost so many pieces that I am not sure if I can patch me up.
However, I am trying to put the puzzle back together, just like Ol' Humpty Dumpty's men. I am fairly certain it will not be the same shape it was before, some pieces are gone forever. Perhaps I can fashion some new pieces that can fit with the old. Maybe I can reshape some of these pieces to look somewhat like they did before, shape them well enough to fit in the puzzle.
If I am able to gather all of the pieces of me, how do I go about putting me back into some semblance of what I once was? My blog, CJ In Time has been surprisingly helpful in that effort. I am not sure what I expected when I started it, but it has become a lifeline for me. It began when I found "I Really do Miss Myself"(now Seeking Equilibrium). I could sure relate to that title. And, I found I could relate to Rose. And, Rose not only commented on my posts, she introduced me to other bloggers. I then found "Graceful Agony". This title I could not relate to...but boy did it intrigue me. How could anyone make agony graceful? Jolene has. And she has lifted me up, too, just like Rose, and Miss Dogkisses, and Lynn-Marie.
I have a long way to go, putting CJ together. Because of this chronic illness community of bloggers I am feeling hopeful again. One might think such a serious topic with such serious issues would be a total downer. But, we "get" each other. Even in our posts that whine, we get a lift. Someone always responds "I know what you mean" and, immediately we are not alone.
Hi, I'm CJ and I have chronic illnesses. But, I'm not whipped yet.