From Jim: "Elephants, Snapping Turtles and Frogs"

You must rush over to my dear Fibro friend Lynn-Marie's blog. Her husband has written the most wonderful post titled, "Elephants, Snapping Turtles and Frogs".

I really do not have the words for a proper introduction. You simply must go read it for yourselves!

THANK YOU, Jim for sharing your thoughts, and dare I say feelings (!). You give the other side of the conversation a voice, a voice that is rarely heard and is so important.

Hugs,
CJ

significant others

I know you love me. I know you would do just about anything to make me better. I feel guilty as hell about becoming the person I have become. I hate living it. And, I am so sorry you have been dragged into my hell as well.

There is no way I enjoy living this way every day, day in and day out, night in and night out. I hate feeling like crap everyday, all day. I can't even stand to live with myself. How do you stand to live with me? I hate saying how much I hurt. I hate saying how tired I am. I don't like listening to it, you must be going mad having to listen to it, too.

But, what is there to do? I can't lie and say I am fine. Well, I can and I do, but it hurts even more to not be able to say how I truly feel. I hate it, but the disease is who I am right now.

I know it shouldn't be that way. I know there are chronically ill people out there screaming at their computer screen: "The disease does NOT define us!" I apologize. I truly, sincerely do. But it is the way I feel right now. I have been in denial for so long--this will go away--this is not happening--this did not happen to me--this simply can Not be.

But, yes it is happening. It has happened. It is. And so I must figure this out.

To Do List:

1) Redefine self.

2)

I am struggling to do number one. Does anyone have any pointers on how to redefine self? So many of you have done it, can you give me some ideas? I have lost touch with CJ. I have the added dilemma of becoming an empty nester. My life has centered around my family and my volunteer work. My kids are all but gone (my son will be graduating from college soon) and I cannot do any of the volunteer work I was doing. Right now my husband and I are living apart since we are in the middle of relocating. I am struggling. Who am I?

Did you know that chronic illness truly inhales profusely?

me,

CJ, whoever she is